The Healing Power Of Creativity
In honor of turning 31 I wanted to touch on how powerful and impactful creativity has been for me over this last year.
A look into the past…
Upon my 30th birthday I made a promise to myself for a change. I was still married at the time and things were tough. We were struggling financially, I was staying home with the boys and was relatively isolated. It became harder and harder to make friends and develop meaningful relationships. Living a little farther out of town in an older community the feeling of loneliness became more prominent.
I was a lone a lot, doing the things I felt were important. Things like being a present mom, getting outside, walking, exercising, maintaining a cozy home. The boys were very little still, I was nursing my youngest and after he started crawling he stopped sleeping through the night. I was often tired and had resentment brewing. Regardless of feeling alone and not always knowing how to manage it, I knew what I was most unhappy with was the woman I was becoming. So, nearing my big 3-0 I told myself that enough was enough. I was not a victim, and I would do whatever I had to do to make a change.
As romantic as that might sound, I also knew it would come with time. I gave myself the grace to know that I wouldn’t wake up on my 30th birthday a new woman with a whole new mindset and perspective on things. The biggest part in all of this was knowing that I was back in control and knowing that I could progressively become the woman I knew was dying to get out. The other huge part of this was gaining the ability to stop myself and address the poor behaviors as they occurred. For some reason making this stern decision I was able to set the standard of “no tolerance” in a way that allowed me to handle a negative thought, behavior, or feeling when it would began to arise. First being, to take a step back, take a breath, and ask myself what is really at the core of this reaction?
While things fell a part through one lens, I have realized that things had to break in order for me to gain the new start I needed to truly step into the skin I’d been looking for.
Today…
I still feel like a huge work in progress but I am beginning to see that as being a part of the joy of life. That we have the chance to continually grow and become someone a little bit more refined and in touch with our values. Bringing the creative sides of myself to the forefront, through my YouTube channel, my art, various home projects, and cooking, I have realized how much creativity brings me back to myself.
There is something wonderful about indulging in a creative act. It brings me to my present moment. A moment where you are worried about nothing, unable to overthink, and where there is an odd washing of peace over every moment. This is what I feel when I paint and when I redecorate a space. Where every decision made will leave a mark, and being so engrossed in the activity is what guides the next move and then the next.
During a time of fear, struggle, and the need to heal, I realized how helpful my art practice was. I realized how much better I felt and how stable I had become. The more I allowed myself the space and time to practice my creativity in some way the better I felt, the more positive I thought, and the lighter I became. It has been a challenge to try to continue to keep the creative practice going strong. While writing this I am reminiscent of all the good that it does for me and see how it easily gets lost in the day to day activities of life. In the attempt to get movement in, be outside enough, eat well enough, mom efficiently, heck even shower… it often feels like a huge balancing act with the pressure that everything could be dropped all at once.
That is my biggest challenge right now, justifying the time to put towards something that I know brings me so much benefit while trying to not let go of other things that matter and benefit me as well. A lot of this is going to come down to discipline and better planning. I think if I planned my meals better, figured out a cleaning schedule, and figured out a solid, yet simple, exercise regimen. As routine as I am sometimes adding in something new seems to be a bit of an internal.
The less brainpower I have to put towards these other daily things the more available I will be to the specific creative acts I want to focus on. I love cooking, spending time with my kids, even working out. The bigger issue seems to come from trying to orchestrate it all while working a full time job. I know that it is doable, as I am somewhat doing it now. I am just beginning to get run down and that is the red flag blowing in the wind telling me adjustments have to be made.
As we enter a new quarter within the new year I am making it a top priority to get more organized for me. To plan with myself in mind. I can feel myself etching towards a more wholesome experience in life. Wanting to detach from the distractions, from over consumption of all things and to come back to me. The ultimate goal is to continually hold inner peace. To be untouchable by the circumstances of the outside world.
I assume this, or something similar, is the goal for many of us. My hope is that we can use creativity to get there together.
